I'm all for some Robin, George, Juju and Sam in the morning, but Good Morning America is slowly starting to piss me off.

Mostly because I'm a Twitter evangelist. And because I actually use Twitter in a meaningful way. Which means I understand and have experienced the value and effects of sharing real-time information and connections.

So, when #GMA keeps inviting dumbasses onto their show, who say things like "I just don't get Twitter. I don't understand why people would want to know when you go to the bathroom and that you're drinking coffee," there is a lot of credibility to be lost. 

First, on the part of the dumbass who opens her old fart mouth and blindly comments on a platform she obviously doesn't use. Because if she did use it, she would know that while there is a population of other dumbasses who solely use Twitter as their personal journal of simultaneously creepy and banal entries, the platform has really altered communication as we know it. Ever heard of GOOGLE, lady? Maybe if you had, you would have done your research and found the thousands of stories of how Twitter has changed lives and industries, before pretending to be a snarky know-it-all and embarrassing yourself in front of millions. Where is the 'Dumbass' censorship when we need it?

Second, on the part of #GMA. Come ON, #GMA! Robin! I heart you, but why are you jumping on the stupid bitch bandwagon? You're better than that! Just because your guest has as much insight as a bucket of cement, doesn't mean you have to pour her into your news crevices and let them harden into painful clumps of permanent dumb. If she ate a hundred donuts, would you also? I didn't think so. You want to keep your svelte figure. Just like we Tweeters want to keep the Twitter love going. And it's hard to do that and watch your show at the same time. Because when you guys make ignorant comments and then adorable Sam actually USES twitpics as a form of news, it makes me want to turn to 'My Name is Earl' on channel 9 and then gauge my eyes out and pour homemade lemonade into them. And that would be bad, because then I would have to make more lemonade. And more importantly, I wouldn't be able to tweet and rant, and tell everyone that #GMA seriously needs to get their act together. After all, you don't want a bunch of seething digerati, coming after you with their 90-words-per-minute wrath. Because we'll bring it. And it'll be more than just a stylized picture of an angry blue bird on some random person's blog.

And third, sort of on the part of Twitter. You guys probably didn't know that your initial intentions of creating a space where people were talking about what sandwich they just ate would be crowdsourced into a Mecca of international sharism. And sure, you're famous now, and have a bajillion users. But from a how-can-I-make-my-business-better, or hey-let's-conquer-the-world, or even, the-right-branding-and-positioning-will-land-us-more-users standpoint - there is a LOT you could be doing to gain more market mindshare. Don't you have a department of people who think up ways to take over the digital world or something? You should definitely send them a memo entitled: "Let's find a way to show non-Tweeters, in layman terms, the value our platform can bring to them." You could at least try, Twitter. Because then I wouldn't have to write blog posts like this, and everyone's day would be better. Momma would be so proud. 

What's better than delicious REAL chocolate that costs you just one calorie? 

Nothing. That's what.

Unless we're talking about a lifetime supply of white tuna sashimi. But we're not. So let's focus on breathing in chocolate particles.

Yes, breathing. 

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Imagine this scenario. (It could happen to you)

You're in a cafe. You've just finished lunch. Salami on stale rye. You don't really like salami, or stale rye for that matter, but it's a crappy cafe and you realize you only have $2 to your name, which means the only thing you can buy is the bag lunch your server's mom packed. So you eat the salami, and wash down the rye with a glass of room temp tap water. 

Moral of the story: your lunch is below par. 

As you leave the cafe, stomach pouting, palette dejected, wishing you had a lifetime supply of sashimi (not salami), all of a sudden you realize . . . 

"Zut Alors! Le Whif!"

Passersby have to shade their eyes from the illuminant joy radiating from your face. They wonder what could possibly make anyone so happy. 


Then, they see this in your hand.

It's a lighter! It's a mini flashlight! It's a portable sanitizer! 

No, it's Le Whif, breathable chocolate! (available in pure chocolate, raspberry chocolate and mint chocolate)

Now before you whip out your judging stick and ruin your sweet tooth's chance for changing its life, be patient and read on.

Created by Harvard professor of biomedical engineering, David Edwards' ArtScience Labs network, Le Whif was launched in Paris this past January 31, 2010, as the world's only breathable chocolate. 

"Le Whif uses particle engineering to form chocolate in particle sizes that are small enough to become airborne, though too large to enter the lungs," says Professor Edwards. Its design is biodegradable, organic and contains less than one calorie. 

The design of this small tube of chocolate has been enhanced by the collaboration of university students, culinary artists and designers, and has  attracted global attention, launching in 32 countries. It is currently available online at www.lewhif.com for about $2.50. I'd say that's a small price to pay for innovation and ultimate mouth satisfaction.

*

So, I'm going to the exclusive NYC launch of Le Whif tomorrow night (Friday, March 11, 2010) at Dylan's Candy Bar on Third Ave.  And I plan on Le Whiffing myself into oblivion. Hopefully, the next time you hear from me, I'll have tales of how they found me under a table, covered in chocolate powder, hiding from the security guards because I tried to swipe everyone's Whif stick.

But in the meantime, I leave you with this picture, entitled: "the kick of coffee without the cup!" Yes. It's pure genius.

I was flying from Dallas to NYC a few months ago, and in attempt to travel lightly (a concept entirely alien to me), all I had were my laptop and coat, both stored in the above compartment. Little did I know this would be the first time I would want to be entertained instead of conking out before take-off, like I usually do.

As the flight attendant started motioning her diligent fingers down and across the aisle, movements both polite and life saving, my eyes started roaming towards the pocket in front of me. In attempt to be a good passenger, I feigned interest in the Safety Manual. But I just couldn’t get past the part where they tell you to put the oxygen mask on before helping others.


The only other thing in the pocket was the Skymall Catalog. Lesser of two evils, I thought, as I sighed and lazily pulled the magazine out. Who knew, that just 30 minutes later, I would find 12 products that would alter my life forever. 

1) The Telekinetic Obstacle Course $99.95

Feel like testing the strength of your brain waves? The Telekinetic Obstacle Course makes your scientific wet dreams come true, with its eight obstacles of hoops, teeter-totters, baskets and chutes. Perfect gadget to get if you happen to run out of things to do. Or say. Or make fun of.