I need to start taking my new job a little more seriously.

This is definitely something I have never needed to say since professional Jenny has never felt this way before.

New Company is stable, riding on the shoulders of its sugar daddy publishing house, the oldest publishing government entity in China. New office is nice; have my own 1280x1220 flat screen, printer and tacky, antique Chinese living room set. New Boss is amazing, extremely well connected, and willing to help me in any way he can – as long as I push out the new brand and bring in the bucks. He is nothing like the previous Chinese pig heads I have met in the system – all talk and no action; seedy men who, unlike the ideals they spout, are majorly inept and have stagnancy down to a tee. New Boss is caring, hard working and willing to make change. The latter is a concept that most of China, and much of middle-America, is unaccustomed to; but New Boss is unafraid of the status quo, and has hired me to go against it. New Team is a little bit of a hot mess, but generally yearning to learn and move up. And although nursing them to life is parching the milk right out of my tender breast (too much info?), it is invigorating to watch them realize their own talents and dexterity. New Resources and Budget are unlimited. The philosophy of New Boss is that how much money I use is not an issue, as long as I transform the brand into the apple of our niche market’s eye.

The cards, gods, qi and Communist party are all playing in my favor, and yet, I am not moving at the pace I should be.  

Maybe it was because the last magazine I was in charge of was such an oppressive experience that the “I need to take it easy” feeling has overstepped its boundaries in this new magazine. Old magazine was a huge expat rag in Beijing, newly taken over by a Chinese team with Chinese ideas and resources, most of which were not and never will be accepted by the extremely nitpicky, needy, arrogant expat population. New magazine is two years old, but has enough reserves to catapult it to stardom; it just needs a firm, but gentle hand (mine) to guide it in the right direction. And yet, I rarely make it into the office before 10am because I personal train three times a week, I leave the office when I want and take long lunches with clients. Yes, these are the benefits of being in charge. But they are also the result of the fact that I don’t need to pull a 9-5 day in order to work faster and smarter than most of my team. Can I help it if it takes me one afternoon to do something that would otherwise take my staff one month to do? No exaggeration. While the others literally need to be trained step by step, the industry is common sense to me, and I have found a niche market in which a few brilliant ideas will take this brand a long way.

It’s not like I’m doing a poor job; in fact, I am doing quite well and have impressed the uppers with my efficiency. But my conscience still scolds me for being a lazy ass because it knows that I am falling really short of my personal standards. Every day I tell myself to get serious because the situation is serious. This is a huge opportunity. I have an entire magazine gasping for vavavoom in my hands, waiting for me to pump blood into it. I should take advantage of my nunchuck skills and get things done according to my own standards of speed, not theirs. Imagine what I could do if I worked every afternoon, getting the equivalent of a Chinese month’s workload done every day – then, I would really deserve the praise that has come my way. Then, I would know I was really taking this opportunity of a lifetime earnestly. I am in my early 20s, and am the youngest, highest paid member of the team. That either makes me really good or really lucky, or maybe both. Regardless, no one my age gets this kind of chance to prove themselves.  

I am the Managing Editor and Creative Director of a sow’s ear with silk purse potential, but I know the latter will only go as far as I’m willing to take my own capabilities.

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