Today has been a devastating social media day for me. One of my FAVORITE third party Twitter apps, Hootsuite, added some really cool geo-features, but decided to run a dirty rag over their user interface, letting the font and white space shrink like a pair of prepubescent balls stuck in a cold front. 

If you know me, you know that I'd rather get my wisdom teeth yanked out in Tijuana (true story) than have to look at bad UI. Hell, I'd rather have NO Internets than look at shitty Internets. 

And so, when my dear beloved Hootsuite decided that they would suck the life out of the style that made them who they are, I heaved a great sigh and re-downloaded Tweetdeck. I even tried changing all the colors to try and match Hootsuite's. But it's just not the same.

HEAR MY SIGH. HUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That owl used to be cute and encouraging. But now, it's just mocking me.

A few weeks ago, Mashable put out an article on how to customize a few real life treats via the Internet. Among them: mix your own chocolate bar, smoke your own jerky, create your own pet-food, shoes, handbags, shirts. And the one that stuck out the most to me (other than the jerky): customize your own jewelry.

Say what?

Every girl likes diamonds right?

And boys (in many cases) are the ideal deliverers.

Thanks, pop culture. It’s because of you that I have this grossly generalized fantasy in my head:

Girl meets Boy.

Boy is smitten.

First date.

First kiss.

Move in.


“Dear Boyfriend,

When you propose, it will preferably be on a cruise to Costa Rica.

Think that’s too cliché? I’ll ask again when our mouths are full of lobster, and we’re riding a horse named Steve through the rainforest.

But most importantly, I would like you to present me with a 10 carat, princess-cut diamond in a platinum  setting . . . or was it a marquise in white gold with two emeralds on the side. Or maybe I . . .

On second thought. Don’t propose until I consult my jeweler to find out what the heck it is I want.

Love, your adoring, baby darling, shmoopie.”


Well, this is how it used to go in my head anyway. Except now, I want a wedding on the beach, and maybe a proposal that takes place on a ferris wheel. And the ring. Jewelry is either supposed to be extravagant or sentimental, right? So maybe expecting a bajillion-carat Harry Winston is a bit much. So, let’s go for sentimental. You know, like a test of how much the boy knows me. (It seems the boy never wins in my fantasies)

Except I haven’t found any jewelry that’s quite up to my taste and sentiment. Until now. Which is where Gemvara steps in – with the perfect combination of two things I love: bling and tech.

Everyone’s a critic and I am no exception. Owning a domain name and fingers with which to type a blog suddenly makes me an expert consumer, right? Well, it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to. I want my cake and eat it too. That sort of thing. Which makes it no surprise that one of the first things I asked Cheryl Kremkow, Gemvara's VP of Content and Merchandising, was whether customers were uncomfortable with the idea of creating and buying jewelry online because they couldn’t try it on. I mean, half the fun of buying bling is putting it on and imagining the subsequent avalanche of compliments. Luckily, Kremkow was incredibly sweet, especially when pointing out that even if you are creating custom jewelry at a store, there is no way to actually visualize or touch the exact piece until it is too made – which is sometimes too late. But on Gemvara, you can pick and choose until you get it just right.  In fact, each gemstone has 16 different varieties, and there are eight different metals to choose from. So, take a standard ring, let’s say – a diamond with two supporting stones – add 16 different choices for each stone, and eight different metals, and thousands of designs: you do the math. The possibilities are endless. And here’s the cool part: you can SEE every single one of those possibilities, as long as your patience matches the number of times your index finger can click the mouse.

In fact, the endless customer stories Kremkow receives on a daily basis is proof of the platinum pudding that Gemvara is feeding a very hungry niche.

“One of the surprises for me, is the different colors of engagement stones. People want something different, and we can give that to them. Sapphire, amythest, emerald – even a black diamond. We’ve seen birthstones, and if it’s a second marriage and there are kids, the ring might even have the birthstones of the kids. I’ve discovered that people want to do so much more than just a diamond. There really are no rules. We want to help our customers express themselves. If you’re only going to do this once, you should do it right!"


So, I went online and expressed myself. Here is my wish list:

So that’s the bling part. Now the tech.

One of the reasons Gemvara is doing so well is because this sort of thing has never been done before. And one of the main reasons it’s doing so well now is that the technology is just starting to exist for jewelry designers. The CAD cam (computer aided design) is just now becoming more accessible. And along with CAD comes a whole new community of designers who are becoming well-versed in this tool. And that’s what tech is for right? A niche need surfaces; a tool is built to aid that need; a community is born to aid that tool; everyone goes home with a nice piece of bling.

And the women in tech? No women developers yet, although their Chairman of the Board is female, and a lot of their designers are women. But Gemvara is looking to expand their team, looking for: online marketers, graphic designers, front end developers, and people who are familiar with the CAD system, particularly those who use Rhino and Matrix design and manufacturing platforms. So if any of you ladies (or gents) are partial to the industry of bling, you might want to consider a Gemvara career. And if not, you can just join the rest of us who are relishing in the luxury of creating our own treasure troves of diamonds, sapphires, rubies and rivers of yellow gold. Not a bad way to indulge in a few hours online, I’d say.

For more info, visit Gemvara’s Facebook and Twitter pages.

I'm taking 10,000 steps a day. And I'm using a pedometer to count them. Pedometer strapped to my hip = unsexy. But achieving 10,000 steps a day = very very sexy.

I'm doing it to cure the acute sense of agoraphobia that builds up when I've spent too much time working. 

To cure the fact that I've been in NYC for almost eight months now, and still haven't seen as much of the city as I'd like. 

To cure the  extra poundage as a result of sitting on top of a computer every day, with my fingers jammed on the keys as if this little piggy had no roast beef and went wah-wah-wah, all the way home.  


To cure any fears of not being able to achieve something when all you have to do is get off your ass and take a few steps forward. 

There will be more to follow, I hope. Because it's Monday. Because it's time to move those happy feet. Because there are no more excuses left to not do it. Unless I find an iPad app that closes business deals for me, and takes me on tours of the city while putting chocolate in my mouth. Because then, I wouldn't really need 10,000 steps, would I. 

This past Saturday (May 8th) saw the Launch of Girls in Tech China. 

WHAT an experience:

Because I planned the entire event in Beijing . . .FROM New York.
Because I have an amazing team (special shout out to @acrosstheC and @eiyssa for being excellent mid-wives for the deliverance of #GITChina).
Because we launched an amazing #GITChina cocktail: Girls in TECHquila by @beijingboyce.
Because we had an amazing panel of female Influencers (Tudou, Wall Street Journal, Mobinode, Zebra Media) moderated by Twittamentary's @sioksiok
Because we officially announced the 2010 Search for Girl 2.0 (to be launched on June 1st).
Because it's history in the making. 


Video of the event will be out soon. Watch this space. 

I'm all for some Robin, George, Juju and Sam in the morning, but Good Morning America is slowly starting to piss me off.

Mostly because I'm a Twitter evangelist. And because I actually use Twitter in a meaningful way. Which means I understand and have experienced the value and effects of sharing real-time information and connections.

So, when #GMA keeps inviting dumbasses onto their show, who say things like "I just don't get Twitter. I don't understand why people would want to know when you go to the bathroom and that you're drinking coffee," there is a lot of credibility to be lost. 

First, on the part of the dumbass who opens her old fart mouth and blindly comments on a platform she obviously doesn't use. Because if she did use it, she would know that while there is a population of other dumbasses who solely use Twitter as their personal journal of simultaneously creepy and banal entries, the platform has really altered communication as we know it. Ever heard of GOOGLE, lady? Maybe if you had, you would have done your research and found the thousands of stories of how Twitter has changed lives and industries, before pretending to be a snarky know-it-all and embarrassing yourself in front of millions. Where is the 'Dumbass' censorship when we need it?

Second, on the part of #GMA. Come ON, #GMA! Robin! I heart you, but why are you jumping on the stupid bitch bandwagon? You're better than that! Just because your guest has as much insight as a bucket of cement, doesn't mean you have to pour her into your news crevices and let them harden into painful clumps of permanent dumb. If she ate a hundred donuts, would you also? I didn't think so. You want to keep your svelte figure. Just like we Tweeters want to keep the Twitter love going. And it's hard to do that and watch your show at the same time. Because when you guys make ignorant comments and then adorable Sam actually USES twitpics as a form of news, it makes me want to turn to 'My Name is Earl' on channel 9 and then gauge my eyes out and pour homemade lemonade into them. And that would be bad, because then I would have to make more lemonade. And more importantly, I wouldn't be able to tweet and rant, and tell everyone that #GMA seriously needs to get their act together. After all, you don't want a bunch of seething digerati, coming after you with their 90-words-per-minute wrath. Because we'll bring it. And it'll be more than just a stylized picture of an angry blue bird on some random person's blog.

And third, sort of on the part of Twitter. You guys probably didn't know that your initial intentions of creating a space where people were talking about what sandwich they just ate would be crowdsourced into a Mecca of international sharism. And sure, you're famous now, and have a bajillion users. But from a how-can-I-make-my-business-better, or hey-let's-conquer-the-world, or even, the-right-branding-and-positioning-will-land-us-more-users standpoint - there is a LOT you could be doing to gain more market mindshare. Don't you have a department of people who think up ways to take over the digital world or something? You should definitely send them a memo entitled: "Let's find a way to show non-Tweeters, in layman terms, the value our platform can bring to them." You could at least try, Twitter. Because then I wouldn't have to write blog posts like this, and everyone's day would be better. Momma would be so proud. 

What's better than delicious REAL chocolate that costs you just one calorie? 

Nothing. That's what.

Unless we're talking about a lifetime supply of white tuna sashimi. But we're not. So let's focus on breathing in chocolate particles.

Yes, breathing. 

*

Imagine this scenario. (It could happen to you)

You're in a cafe. You've just finished lunch. Salami on stale rye. You don't really like salami, or stale rye for that matter, but it's a crappy cafe and you realize you only have $2 to your name, which means the only thing you can buy is the bag lunch your server's mom packed. So you eat the salami, and wash down the rye with a glass of room temp tap water. 

Moral of the story: your lunch is below par. 

As you leave the cafe, stomach pouting, palette dejected, wishing you had a lifetime supply of sashimi (not salami), all of a sudden you realize . . . 

"Zut Alors! Le Whif!"

Passersby have to shade their eyes from the illuminant joy radiating from your face. They wonder what could possibly make anyone so happy. 


Then, they see this in your hand.

It's a lighter! It's a mini flashlight! It's a portable sanitizer! 

No, it's Le Whif, breathable chocolate! (available in pure chocolate, raspberry chocolate and mint chocolate)

Now before you whip out your judging stick and ruin your sweet tooth's chance for changing its life, be patient and read on.

Created by Harvard professor of biomedical engineering, David Edwards' ArtScience Labs network, Le Whif was launched in Paris this past January 31, 2010, as the world's only breathable chocolate. 

"Le Whif uses particle engineering to form chocolate in particle sizes that are small enough to become airborne, though too large to enter the lungs," says Professor Edwards. Its design is biodegradable, organic and contains less than one calorie. 

The design of this small tube of chocolate has been enhanced by the collaboration of university students, culinary artists and designers, and has  attracted global attention, launching in 32 countries. It is currently available online at www.lewhif.com for about $2.50. I'd say that's a small price to pay for innovation and ultimate mouth satisfaction.

*

So, I'm going to the exclusive NYC launch of Le Whif tomorrow night (Friday, March 11, 2010) at Dylan's Candy Bar on Third Ave.  And I plan on Le Whiffing myself into oblivion. Hopefully, the next time you hear from me, I'll have tales of how they found me under a table, covered in chocolate powder, hiding from the security guards because I tried to swipe everyone's Whif stick.

But in the meantime, I leave you with this picture, entitled: "the kick of coffee without the cup!" Yes. It's pure genius.

I was flying from Dallas to NYC a few months ago, and in attempt to travel lightly (a concept entirely alien to me), all I had were my laptop and coat, both stored in the above compartment. Little did I know this would be the first time I would want to be entertained instead of conking out before take-off, like I usually do.

As the flight attendant started motioning her diligent fingers down and across the aisle, movements both polite and life saving, my eyes started roaming towards the pocket in front of me. In attempt to be a good passenger, I feigned interest in the Safety Manual. But I just couldn’t get past the part where they tell you to put the oxygen mask on before helping others.


The only other thing in the pocket was the Skymall Catalog. Lesser of two evils, I thought, as I sighed and lazily pulled the magazine out. Who knew, that just 30 minutes later, I would find 12 products that would alter my life forever. 

1) The Telekinetic Obstacle Course $99.95

Feel like testing the strength of your brain waves? The Telekinetic Obstacle Course makes your scientific wet dreams come true, with its eight obstacles of hoops, teeter-totters, baskets and chutes. Perfect gadget to get if you happen to run out of things to do. Or say. Or make fun of. 

2) The Marshmallow Shooter $24.95

Built with its own LED that projects a safe beam of red light to help locate a target for accuracy – because when you’re trying to take down your neighbor’s pesky poodle, by mercilessly pelting it with marshmallows, accuracy is crucial. And if you really like this product, don’t forget to get the Bow and Mallow or the Marshmallow Bazooka (for an additional $20).

3) Front Pocket Wallet $49.95

“Cut exactly like the shape of a front pocket, the wallet is curved on one side so that it stores snugly in the contours of the pocket, where it won’t create unsightly bulges or wrinkles. Made from a soft satin leather that forms gently to the shape of your thigh.” That’s funny. My boyfriend was just saying to me the other day: “Man, if I could just find a soft satin wallet that gently fits the contour of my thigh, I would feel so much more comfortable with myself.”

4) Solafeet Foot Tanner $299.99

Sock tan lines can be gone in five to 10 days with just 15 minutes a day. I get tingly just thinking about all the socks I'll be able to pair with my sandals now.

5) Helmutt House $399.99 (Standard Size) $479.99 (X-Large Size)

It’s one thing to make your dog live in a giant, bulbous hat. But it’s another to force them to root for your favorite football team. Dogs have feelings too, you know.

On second thought, I'm definitely getting this for Monkey (my 2-year old Paperanian) Look how well it's going to match the living room! 

6) Head Spa Massager $49.95

Look like the Tron Guy while alleviating stress, tension, and relaxing away migranes. Comfort and beauty. Doesn't get much better than that.

7) Taser C2 $349.99

Ladies: in case you feel the need to carry a taser in your purse, you can do it in style! This baby is available in Titan Silver, Black Pearl, Electic Blue, Red Hot Red, and Metallic Pink. 

8) “The Spirit of Nottingham Woods” Tree Statue $19.95

If this thing doesn’t scare the shit out of you, might I suggest you also implant a Yeti in your garden. For just under 100 dollars! But know that I will be judging you from afar.

9) Relax ‘N Nap Pillow $89.95

I can't decide what's better about this product. The fact that it's only $90. Or the way it makes your arms look elegant and skinny.

10) DayClock $39.98

“Do all of your days seem the same? Do you have little trouble keeping track of the hour and even the date but the day always eludes you? Then you need a DayClock.” This is great. Now I can sniff glue AND tell time!

11) Your Passenger Seat Office $179.95-$349.95

“Hey Honey! I’m going to get some work done in my office today.”

“All right, dear. Would you mind picking Sam up from school while you’re at it?”

Genius.

And drum roll, for the last product.




 










A Skymall special.
















 

Must Have.













 









Bring-with-you-everywhere-you-go.

 

























Featured by USA Today and the Early Show.































 

Dun-dah-DUN!

12) SkyRest Travel Pillow $29.95

“Simply lean forward and snooze.”